Looking back with new lenses: late diagnosis of neurodivergence

Late diagnosis of neurodivergence can lead us to questioning key events of our past, as we reframe things through new lenses. Different conditions have different characteristics, and being multiply neurodivergent can add layers of complexity. In this post I focus on innate forms of neurodivergence, including but certainly not limited to ADHD, autism, AuDHD, dyslexia and dyspraxia, rather than forms acquired as a result of injury, illness, trauma etc.

Common areas we might revisit include the following:

Struggles in school
Social challenges
Career frustrations
Emotional sensitivity
Mental health misdiagnosis
Relationship struggles
Perfectionism and self-criticism
Unique talents or hyperfixations

So here’s the thing. Even if your diagnosis or realisation of neurodivergence was just this morning, you have been neurodivergent your whole life. All of it. However, all of a sudden you’ve got a whole new lens through which to understand yourself and how you got to where you are today. And while that can feel pretty daunting, and maybe even a little scary, truth is you’ve been getting to know yourself throughout that time.

The key difference is that you now have a better understanding of what makes you you, and a new way to reframe past experiences. Reframing through new lenses can help us accept parts of ourselves that have previously felt unacceptable. In a nutshell, neurodivergence – in and of itself, and the multitudes of ways it can (and does) impact our lives – is simply part of who we are. We can no more stop ourselves being neurodivergent than we can stop the tides coming in.

Reframing after late diagnosis of neurodivergence

Reframing our past experiences through the new lens of neurodivergence is often a key step in accepting both who we are, and how we are. In so, so many cases, our struggles are not because we’re broken, or wrong, lazy, stupid, clumsy, thick, rude or… sadly there are far too many ways to finish this sentence. Our struggles have arisen as a result of living in a world biased towards the neurotypical when we’re just plain not.

I know from my lived and professional experience, this reframing and acceptance of who we are after late diagnosis of neurodivergence isn’t always easy, so do reach out if you’d like some support with this.

First off, there’s no right or wrong way to go about things once the diagnosis or realisation comes. Many of us who were diagnosed later in life take time to revisit important moments from our past. But before diving into that, it can be helpful to spend some time learning about your neurodivergence, so you can see how it may have shaped your life so far. Some good places to start include Adult ADHD UK, which has a great selection of guides and resources, as does the UK’s National Autistic Society. US-based Neurodivergent Counselling Services have some great AuDHD resources.

ali@alipress.uk | +44 (0) 7704 439662

Looking back with new lenses

People with new diagnoses or realisations of neurodivergence might revisit numerous past experiences, questioning them through the lens of their new self-awareness. Treat yourself gently as you do this, and know it’s not always an easy or simple process. Support from loved ones, neurokin and professionals can help greatly if you – like many – find this a difficult process:

Struggles in school: Difficulty focusing, staying organised, or picking up on social cues might actually reflect ADHD, autism, or other neurodivergent traits, not laziness or antagonism.

Social challenges: Awkward moments, struggles with friendships, or difficulty reading emotions might now make sense as part of autism or other conditions affecting social cognition.

Career frustrations: Job dissatisfaction, burnout, or struggles in structured environments may arise from sensory issues or executive dysfunction. They might also indicate a need for more flexible work styles.

Emotional sensitivity: Overwhelming emotions or heightened sensitivity may actually be part of ADHD, autism, or sensory processing disorders. These reactions are more than just being “too sensitive.”

Mental health misdiagnosis: Anxiety, depression, or personality disorders might be reevaluated. These conditions are often misdiagnosed in neurodivergent people before the underlying causes are understood. Missed diagnoses might also be a factor.

Relationship struggles: Issues with partners, friends, or family may need revisiting. Consider how communication differences, sensory needs, or challenges with emotional regulation played a role.

Perfectionism and self-criticism: Reframe perfectionism, procrastination, or self-doubt as strategies you may have developed to cope with unrecognised neurodivergent traits.

Unique talents or hyperfixations: Moments of intense creativity, problem-solving, or niche interests may be reframed as strengths of being neurodivergent, not just quirks.

Rather than flaws, the experiences and tendencies outlined above are rather more likely to have been ways of managing a world that felt overwhelming or misaligned with your natural way of being. These revelations can lead to a new sense of self-understanding, compassion and empowerment. That might take time, and you might need some support as you go along, and that’s totally OK. This is big stuff!

If you’d like support in any of these areas, reach out. I’d be very happy to talk with you.