How to create your own personal user manual

A personal user manual is a bit like the instruction manual for your smart TV. The manual tells you how to operate the telly, how to get the best from its features, and what it needs in order to function at its best. It also tells you the things that are gonna lead to less than optimal function, and the things to avoid doing with it. And there’s usually a trouble-shooting section. This part is a to do list for a bunch of different scenarios when the telly’s having some kind of issues that prevent it from doing the things it usually does.

We don’t expect the TV to change, because it simply can’t. Instead, we use the manual to get the best from the TV.

As a neurodivergent person, you’re likely aware of the difficulties you face. Some things are harder for you than for others, and certain aspects of life just don’t work well. Confusing situations can leave you depleted, even exhausted, leading to overwhelm or meltdowns. It’s easy to focus on these negatives, making you feel like you’re the problem. This can lead to depression, anxiety, and withdrawal from a world where you don’t seem to fit. Too often, it feels like you’re the one who’s broken, constantly expected to change in ways you simply can’t.

Too often the messages we hear are that WE need to change, not that LIFE needs to change.

The truth is, you’re not trying to be difficult or oppositional. You’re just different, and you need things to work differently for you in a way that acknowledges and accommodates your unique needs. So how do we do that? That’s where having a solid personal user manual comes in.

Customise your life

The key thing I want you to take away from this blog post is that there is another way. It is possible to start customising your life so that it works better for you. Not only this will improve your life, it will also improve the lives of your loved ones and others around you.

Remember, this is not about changing you. It is about working out what you need to thrive, and building more of these elements into your life.

Here’s how:

1. By creating an inventory of your strengths, sensory profile, challenges and everything that makes you unique, you can gain a clearer understanding of yourself.
2. With this information, you can start building a neuro-affirming life that’s tailored to your needs, and ultimately works for you.

It sounds deceptively simple, but sometimes it can be hard to work it all out, as when we’re in the middle of whatever challenges us it can be really hard to find any objectivity. That’s where support from loved ones, neurokin and neuro-affirming professionals can be helpful. You might like to check out this guide to choosing autism-affirming counselling for some tips on what to look for in professionals you’re considering working with. Whilst it’s autism-specific, the principles are the same for choosing any kind of neurodivergence affirming support.

Creating a personal user manual – yours to take away and keep – can be part of the work you do with me as your neurodivergence affirming counsellor. When you have a clear picture of who you are, and how you are in the world, you can start to make changes that can move you beyond merely surviving to thriving.

Steps to creating your own personal user manual

In my work with clients, everything starts with building a rich picture of your strengths. From there we’ll start to look at your needs, and what environments and conditions help you function at your best. We’ll then look together we will look at recent experiences, how they impacted you, and what your challenges were. We’ll note your triggers, and stressors, and create some coping strategies to help you manage. And then we’ll add a troubleshooting guide, to help you when new and different situations arise. Reach out if you’d like to have a chat about working with me.

1. Reflect on your strengths: List your skills, talents, and positive qualities. What makes you thrive?
2. Identify your needs: Think about what environments or conditions help you function at your best. Consider your sensory preferences (e.g., noise levels, lighting, etc.).
3. Recognise your challenges: Acknowledge areas where you struggle or feel discomfort. What makes tasks or environments difficult?
4. Note triggers and stressors: Identify situations that lead to overwhelm, frustration, or decreased functioning. This could be sensory overload, fatigue, or emotional stress.
5. Create coping strategies: List actions or tools that help you manage stress, challenges, or triggers. If/then lists can be helpful: If situation or thing X arises, then do Y.
6. Add a troubleshooting guide: Think about scenarios where you struggle and what has helped you overcome them in the past.

By organising these elements, you’ll have a clearer understanding of how to support yourself and build a life that works for you.

If you’d like help creating your personal user manual and building your best neuro-affirming life, get in touch. It would be great to hear from you!