FOMO, the fear of missing out, can lead us to do things we don’t really want to do. We don’t really want to do them, but we do them anyway because we fear what missing out might mean. If you want to skip the part about cats, click here to get to the common reasons our neurodivergence might be driving our FOMO.
While FOMO can strongly influence neurodivergent people, leading us to seek inclusion or information, it’s essential to recognise the value of shifting toward JOMO (Joy of Missing Out). Instead of focusing on what we might be missing, JOMO allows us to embrace the freedom and peace that comes from choosing only the experiences that truly resonate with us.
Lunchtime today I was having a coffee in the garden, enjoying the sunshine. I heard one of our cats, Zebi, land on the shed roof as he returned from his adventures in next door’s garden. He greeted me in his customary way (with the world’s smallest miaow) and we went indoors for lunch. He had biscuits, and I had a sandwich.
As he was munching, our other cat, Makhmal, came to the door. I opened it, and Zebi abandoned his biscuits to go to the door and greet his brother. Zeb headed back to the biscuits and Makhmal sat down on the doormat.
Zeb’s usual routine is to eat lunch and spend the rest of the afternoon napping in his basket. Makhmal is less of a creature of routine, and decided he wanted to go out again.
In, out, in, out, don’t want to miss out…
I opened the door, and out he went, closely followed by Zebi who’d decided maybe there was something more interesting going on out there, and he didn’t want to miss out.
Makhmal wandered off up the garden, and Zebi sat and washed his face. Minutes later Zebi came back to the door, having decided he didn’t want to be outside after all. Hearing me open the door again, Makhmal came bounding up the garden to come in – after all, maybe something interesting was about to happen, and he definitely didn’t want to miss that!
Zeb ate a few more biscuits on his way to his basket, and Makhmal returned to the door, shouting to be let out again…
- Zebi only wanted to come indoors, have some lunch, and go for a nap
- Makhmal didn’t want to come in at all (although he’s always happy to eat a few biscuits if they’re on offer)
- Both followed their FOMO, instead of embracing the JOMO and doing what they really wanted
I love the pair of them to bits, but all that left me thinking wow are they daft! But am I any less daft?
Apparently not. I have a long and illustrious history of doing things I didn’t really want to because I thought I might be missing out… And as a result, more times than I’d have liked I ended up feeling exhausted, unfulfilled, like I shouldn’t have been there in the first place, weird and out of place, overthinking the tiniest details.
Over time I have learned to embrace the JOMO, and reduce the impacts of these negative aspects. As a result I was able to embrace a better, more balanced way way of being.
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Here are the nine ways our neurodivergence can lead us to act on our FOMO:
Social comparison
People with neurodivergent identities, such as ADHD or autism, might be particularly sensitive to social cues and comparisons. We might feel a heightened pressure to engage in activities that others are participating in, fearing that not doing so will lead to further isolation.
Desire for connection
Many neurodivergent people experience challenges in forming connections. FOMO can drive us to join social activities, even if we feel overwhelmed or anxious, as we seek the comfort and belonging that comes from being part of a group.
Perceived opportunities
Neurodivergent people often have unique interests and passions. The fear of missing a chance to explore these interests or connect with like-minded individuals can lead to impulsive decisions to join events or activities that may not genuinely resonate with us.
Societal pressure
The societal expectation for neurotypical behavior can create stress for neurodivergent people. We might feel pressured to conform to social norms, leading us to participate in events out of FOMO rather than genuine interest.
Instant gratification
The impulsivity often associated with ADHD can make neurodivergent people more susceptible to FOMO. The desire for immediate engagement in fun or exciting activities can override our ability to evaluate whether participation aligns with our true desires and needs.
Fear of regret
Neurodivergent individuals may experience heightened anxiety about future regrets. The thought of missing out on potentially valuable social experiences can push us to participate in activities, even if we feel uncertain or anxious about doing so.
Low self-esteem
Those of us who identify as neurodivergent may struggle with self-esteem due to past experiences of exclusion or misunderstanding. Acting on FOMO can temporarily alleviate feelings of inadequacy, providing validation through social participation.
Peer influence
Neurodivergent people may have strong attachments to specific friendships. Seeing peers engaged in activities can create a powerful urge to join in, even if we feel uncomfortable, as we seek to strengthen social bonds.
Fear of missing information
Neurodivergent individuals often thrive on gathering information and understanding their environment. FOMO can manifest as a fear of missing out on important knowledge or trends, prompting us to engage in social media or community events to stay informed.
By letting go of societal pressures, social comparisons, or the need for constant validation, we can cultivate contentment in our own choices. Moving from FOMO to JOMO helps us make authentic choices that reflect who we really are. In turn, it helps us foster deeper self-acceptance and a more meaningful connection to ourselves and others.
